Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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