if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.