Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
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Life is so much better after having sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher