i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize