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You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Randomize
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