Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So vagazzling was a success
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.