she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
