I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
