i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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