i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
