Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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