my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
