I want to have your abortion
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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