hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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