I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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