I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
