Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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