I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
