His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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