I have demons in me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
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Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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