the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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