I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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