from now on my penis is your penis
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
