I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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