every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
