I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No...this little piggys going to the bar
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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