WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
