he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
