A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
