so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
