the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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