I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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