put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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