i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
