Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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