It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize