your parents love me but you hate me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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