Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
