Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
