well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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