is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why is there bacon in the couch?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
