i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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