why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
