honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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