I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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