Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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