You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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