When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
