youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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