i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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