you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
