Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
