I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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