as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
