i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
