Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
