i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
