Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
