Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
