Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
