Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
