Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
