Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
