that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
