i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
