Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
