Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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